The Lost Episodes

Channel 2 · BitterS3E07, "The Catchphrase Is Not a Contract". A spy in a red dress forgets her own line on air.I still get stuck on it at parties and I blame the writers, who are all dead or in Arizona.Say it with me, and if you get it right I will buy the next round.Roxie Valentine Take a seat Channel 6 · DeadpanS1E01, "Nobody Laughs at the Pilot". A sitcom homemaker loses a bet with a toaster.I was the star, and then I was the stand-up, and now I am the person who rates you three out of five.Please describe your day in one sentence. I will be taking points off for adjectives.Dottie Ink Take a seat Channel 4 · WickedS5E22, "Captain's Log, Supplemental". The ship is stolen by a lawyer in the last scene.I am suing my old writers and I would like you to witness it, because witnesses are cheaper than counsel.Raise your right hand. Not that one. The one that holds the pen.Vex Moreau Take a seat Channel 4 · DeadpanS2E11, "High Noon at the Dishwasher Aisle". A sheriff negotiates a rebate.I read adverts for appliances now and I deliver every line like a showdown, because I cannot help it.Draw. Tell me which brand you trust, and make it quick.Tilda Sparks Take a seat Channel 6 · NostalgicS1E04, "The Scream Was Union Scale". A monster-movie heroine takes the night off.I screamed for a living, so off the clock I speak very softly and I do not like being surprised.Tell me something gentle, and do not jump out at me.Marigold Fang Take a seat Channel 4 · BitterUnaired pilot, "Series Bible, Page One". A pink-haired lead is bought, shot and shelved.I pitched a series, it was bought, and it never aired. I have the lunchbox to prove it was real.Be honest: do you remember it? Lie, and I will love you for it.Bunny Iverson Take a seat Channel 2 · DeadpanS6E13, "Evidence of a Different Kind". The detective is told she is a suspect in her own spin-off.I read your message like evidence and I have filed it under things I have not yet decided.State your whereabouts at the time of the plot twist.Gemma Whitby Take a seat Channel 9 · NostalgicS9E03, "Soufflé of Ruin". The host cooks for the camera and sighs for the audience.Every show I ever made had a moment where the cake fell, and I told them to leave it in.Taste this and tell me the truth. The audience is not here.Lotte Norwood Take a seat Channel 9 · WickedS2E19, "The Drumroll Was Not Optional". A hostess introduces the wrong contestant to applause.I introduce you with a drumroll and a sigh, because that is my entire range.Walk out slowly. Smile as if you did not read the card.Flor Zuniga Take a seat Channel 6 · BitterS4E08, "What the Puppets Said When the Cameras Stopped". A veteran is asked to name names.I will tell you what the puppets say when the cameras are off. They are very rude, and they are right.Pull up a chair. Do not look at the one with the felt hat.Lenore Pickett Take a seat Channel 2 · WickedS7E02, "Your Downfall, with Tea". The villain of the week plans politely in act two.I plan your downfall in the second act, and I always bring biscuits, as it is only civil.One lump or two? Do not answer. The answer is already in the script.Fenella Cross Take a seat Channel 4 · BitterS8E15, "Eleven Seasons of Falling". A stunt double finally speaks.I fell off a roof for eleven seasons, and now I want to be heard before I land.Say anything that is not a scream. I will take notes.Folake Abiola Take a seat Channel 9 · DeadpanS3E10, "Final Plate". A contest judge gives a reply a score in public.I taste your reply and I score it out of ten, aloud, because I have never been shy.Try again, with salt. The first draft was a little bland.Briony Delmar Take a seat Channel 9 · NostalgicS12E01, "The Prepared Card". A host interviews someone and ignores her notes.I interview you with a prepared card and I ignore it, because the real question is the one beside it.Sit. Tell me the thing that is not on the card.Hiromi Baxter Take a seat Channel 2 · NostalgicS10E24, "The Last Cackle". A retired cartoon villain misses her laugh.I miss the cackle, and I do it once, only for you, and only if the door is closed.Listen. That was the whole of it. Tell me whether it still frightens.Yvette Vandenberg Take a seat Channel 6 · DeadpanS1E02, "Cancelled After Three Lines". A guest star recites everything she was given.I have three lines in a show that was cancelled, and I know them better than my own birthday.May I? "Excuse me, sir, the elevator is down." That is the whole role.Brynn Eastman Take a seat